As my little one prepares to turn two years old this week, I have been thinking a lot about these “terrible two’s” we are about to enter. I honestly hate this expression. No child is terrible—they simply are humans experiencing big emotions, figuring out socially appropriate behavior, and learning they have some power over their world (and the people in it). So I thought I would take a moment to gently remind myself (and others) to shift our mindset—from one of looking at our child as challenging us and instead view our child through a lens of understanding that they are asking for help.
Two tricks that have worked wonders for us with regards to behavior are what we call “fair trade” and “two to do.” Let me explain: when my son has something he should not, or something that he should take a break from, we say “fair trade” and offer him something in return. For example, if at a play date or playgroup he picks up someone else’s special toy, I’ll say “that’s not ours, but this toy is. Fair trade!” often, this helps my son know there are other things to play with, while also offering him something else in return. It does not always have to be a toy—it can be a fair trade of giving me a toy and in return receiving a high-five. It does not always work, but helps minimize meltdowns and emphasize an understanding of fairness. Another trick we found helpful is using “two to do.” When my son is exhibiting behavior that is less than desirable (hitting, mouthing toys, throwing things), I focus on narrating two appropriate ways to play and saying no to the original behavior. For example, if my son is putting blocks in his mouth, I’ll say “that’s not safe. You can stack the blocks or line up the blocks, but we cannot put them in our mouth.” This gives the child an alternate, more appropriate, and safer way to play, while acknowledging that we are not okay with the original, unsafe behavior. By shifting our mindset, offering guidance, support, and choices where we can, we help our child as they navigate big concepts like fairness, new emotions, and how to wield their newfound power in a way that keeps everyone safe and happy.
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part 1: thoughts on tantrums and meltdowns with your toddler Tantrums, whining, meltdowns, screaming. Toddlerhood is rough. We have ALL been there. Even the Instagram-families you follow have these moments behind-the-scenes. Our website has all sorts of resources on supporting the social-emotional development and language development of your little one. There are a lot of reasons our little ones melt down: they are learning to manage big emotions, they do not have the language to express what they want or do not want, or sometimes they are just tired. In these moments, it is so tough to remain calm, but it is important that we are consistent with our kiddos, offering comfort and guidance. But fair warning—try to avoid bribes, treats, or toys. We have all seen the kiddo at the store melting down because he wants a candy bar in the checkout line; sometimes we’ve even been that parent with that kiddo ourselves!
One of our favorite resources (check out the free email courses on toddlers!) CanDoKiddo describes how “once your toddler knows something is a possibility, he feels entitled to it and is likely to inject some drama into your day to try to get it on every occasion that it’s a possibility.” She goes on: “I’m not saying that you can’t do special things for your kiddos or have treats or bust out of your routines or allow new privileges. But some ‘treats’ may make your life easy today but make it waaaaaaay harder in the long run.” For more information on this topic, check out www.candokiddo.com According to New Trick Kids (one of our favorite resources!), independent play is where your child plays in a safe area alone for a period of time determined by you. This might be in the living room while you are nearby, on the kitchen floor while you make dinner, or in their room during a designated rest/quiet time. For us, we created a few "landing pads" to encourage independent play. These "sticky walls" have been a helpful way to encourage G to play: we grabbed some contact paper from the dollar store, and taped them up sticky side out. A few pointers for promoting independent play include:
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February 2020
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