As my little one prepares to turn two years old this week, I have been thinking a lot about these “terrible two’s” we are about to enter. I honestly hate this expression. No child is terrible—they simply are humans experiencing big emotions, figuring out socially appropriate behavior, and learning they have some power over their world (and the people in it). So I thought I would take a moment to gently remind myself (and others) to shift our mindset—from one of looking at our child as challenging us and instead view our child through a lens of understanding that they are asking for help.
Two tricks that have worked wonders for us with regards to behavior are what we call “fair trade” and “two to do.” Let me explain: when my son has something he should not, or something that he should take a break from, we say “fair trade” and offer him something in return. For example, if at a play date or playgroup he picks up someone else’s special toy, I’ll say “that’s not ours, but this toy is. Fair trade!” often, this helps my son know there are other things to play with, while also offering him something else in return. It does not always have to be a toy—it can be a fair trade of giving me a toy and in return receiving a high-five. It does not always work, but helps minimize meltdowns and emphasize an understanding of fairness. Another trick we found helpful is using “two to do.” When my son is exhibiting behavior that is less than desirable (hitting, mouthing toys, throwing things), I focus on narrating two appropriate ways to play and saying no to the original behavior. For example, if my son is putting blocks in his mouth, I’ll say “that’s not safe. You can stack the blocks or line up the blocks, but we cannot put them in our mouth.” This gives the child an alternate, more appropriate, and safer way to play, while acknowledging that we are not okay with the original, unsafe behavior. By shifting our mindset, offering guidance, support, and choices where we can, we help our child as they navigate big concepts like fairness, new emotions, and how to wield their newfound power in a way that keeps everyone safe and happy.
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